Captain Hammer's POV
by Pinkie the Butt-Hurter
Summary: Same story that we all know and love, but from Captain Buttface- I MEAN HAMMER! Rated T for his famous line.


Hey! Okay, here's a Captain Hammer POV, and to do the disclaiming business for me, I got the man himself!

**Captain Hammer: *drops out of nowhere from the sky* Hello, miss. And what may I do for you on this fine evening?**

**Me: First off, it's 9 a.m., not 'evening.' Second, my name is **_**Nikki,**_** not 'miss.' And third, you know what I got you for! I told you that I needed you to read something-**

**Captain Hammer: Wait… read? I'm Captain Hammer, I don't read!**

**Me: You do now! Read it! *shoves cue card at him***

**Captain Hammer: Fine! 'Long-Spanish-Name does not…' on… one? What is that word right there?**

**Me: *leans to cue card* Own. That complicated word happens to be 'own.'**

**Captain Hammer: Right, right…'own.' Anyway, 'Something-In-Spanish does not **_**own**_** any char…' chara… charac?**

**Me: *takes cue card* Characters! That word is characters! **

**Captain Hammer: Right, okay… 'Blah, blah, blah does not…' what is that 'o' word again?**

**Billy: Oh, for crying out loud! *walks from the doorway; grabs cue card* 'Le Chica de Ojos Azules does not own any characters or lines from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.' How hard was that?**

**Me: Thank you very much, Billy. *hugs him***

**Captain Hammer: I was reading that!**

**Billy: Yeah, but we have to go somewhere next week!**

**Captain Hammer: So…?**

**Billy: We didn't have time for you to read it!**

**Captain Hammer: Oh, you stupid little-**

**Me: Enjoy the story!**

* * *

><p>"<em>Stand back everyone, nothing here to see,"<em> I sang, landing on top of the speeding van. "_Just imminent danger and in the middle of it- me. Yes, Captain Hammer's here, hair blowing in the breeze. The day needs my saving expertise!"_ I got down onto my knees and punched the control device that sat atop the car. Then I jumped off, singing, "_A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."_ I walked towards a lady as the van zigzagged down the street. "_Seems destiny ends with me saving you." _

Then I jumped into the air, singing the whole time, and landed next to a redhead standing in the middle of the street with the van zooming right at her. Shoving the lady into a large pile of trash bags, I held my hands out to the van, which stopped.

Smiling satisfactorily, I hit the van once with my fist and a man in a white lab coat came up a pair of stairs leading to a doorway, saying "You idiot!"

"Dr. Horrible," I said in my deep, impressive voice. "I should have known you were behind this."

"You almost killed her!" the blond man yelled, walking over to me.

"I remember it differently," I shot at him. He stood in front of me and said, "Is she— " But he was cut off when I grabbed him by his neck. He made a choking sound and I said, "It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains."

"Qwha…?" Dr. Horrible breathed, looking at me strangely. Then I heard a beautiful voice singing from behind me. I turned, not releasing Dr. Horrible's neck, and saw the redhead getting from the pile of trash. "_Thank you Hammer man, I don't think I can explain how important it was that you stopped the van."_ I banged Dr. Horrible's head against the van stopped next to us as the lady continued singing. "_I would be splattered, I'd be crushed under debris."_ Bang._ "Thank you sir for saving me."_

"Don't worry about it- _a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do," _I sang, throwing Dr. Horrible to the side as I loudly began singing. Every now and again, the woman would sing something, and I would hear Dr. Horrible mutter something. I faced the lady and softly pushed a strand of hair from her face as we sang together.

"_So please give me a sec to catch my breath."_

* * *

><p>I felt awkward and low as I sat across the table from Penny, eating soup. She seemed to be enjoying herself, but all the homeless people there made me feel… different. These people made me feel like I wasn't Captain Hammer, good-looking, smart, and famous, but just some guy. It. Was. AWFUL!<p>

The next day, we were sitting on a park bench with frozen yogurts in our hands. Hers was almost gone, but I had hardly eaten any of mine. Ducks and geese that kept on squawking and quacking surrounded us. When Penny wasn't looking, I attempted to kick one, only making it squawk louder. So I proposed another idea. She agreed, and I went and got a water bike. Setting it in the water, I said, "Lady's first?"

She shook her head and said, "I'll stay on the bench."

I shrugged. "Whatever you want." So I got into the water bike and peddled around. Penny watched me with a smile on her face. I waved and gestured for her to come in. When she didn't, I decided to impress her. I started going in circles as fast as I could, becoming only a blur.

* * *

><p>A scrawny blond man banged into my chest as he tried to leave the laundromat.<p>

"Pardon," I said, receiving a hurried 'pardon' from the man that would not look at me. But that didn't stop me from instantly recognizing him.

"Billy," Penny said to Dr. Horrible, coming over and standing beside me. "This is Captain Hammer."

"Oh, Billy," I said, deciding to play along for the time being. "The laundry buddy. Nice to meet you."

"We're meeting now, for the first time," Billy-slash-Dr. Horrible said quickly, lying pretty badly.

"You look awfully familiar," I informed him.

"Just one of those faces, I guess," he said, still not looking at me.

"Have I seen you at the gym?" I asked, just setting myself up so I would compliment myself.

"At the gym," Billy agreed, nodding. Then I smiled impressively.

"I don't go to the gym, I'm just naturally like this," I said, finishing the compliment I had planned to bestow upon myself. "Anyway, who wants to know what the mayor is doing behind closed doors?"

Penny looked up at me with a questioning face, so I told her what I had come to tell her. "He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands homeless shelter."

"Oh, my God!" Penny said, her voice quiet but happy.

"Congratulations," Billy told her, smiling slightly.

"Thank you," Penny said to him. Then she turned back to me. "Thank you." We kissed and I saw Dr. Horrible look away, disgust on his face. "Yeah, apparently, the only signature he needed, was my fist," I said, rising said fist. "But with a pen in it," I clarified quickly. "That I was signing with," I moved my hand in midair, miming writing.

Penny's drier buzzed, informing us her clothes were dry. She went to go get them and Billy said, "Well, I'd love to stay here and chitchat." He began to walk away, but I caught him and put my arm around his shoulder.

"Well it was nice to meet you… doctor," I said. At my last word, he looked at me with suspicion. "You've got a little crush, don't you, doc?" Billy kind of sighed and looked down. "Then this is gonna make this hard to hear. See, I'm gonna take Penny back to my place…" I continued dolling out things I was going to do and eventually put a hand on each of Billy's shoulders and held him out at arms length. "…and these," I finished, "are not the hammer." I walked away, but then turned back to him and said, in case he didn't get the message, "The hammer is my penis."

Penny came back over to me with a full bucket of laundry. I put my arm around her and we left, leaving Dr. Horrible to his evil thoughts and awkward things to think about.

* * *

><p>"Justice has a name," the mayor was saying. "And the name that it has, besides 'justice,' is Captain Hammer. In a few moments we will unveil a statue of the man himself…"<p>

I was sitting with one arm around Penny and one hand on her knee at the unveiling of her new homeless shelter. Then the mayor gave the word for me to make my speech. I stood up and walked to the podium, pulling a small stack of tiny cue cards from my glove.

"I hate the homeless…" I read. Then I changed cue cards and continued. "…ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic… you know what? I don't need tiny cue cards." I tossed them over my shoulder. "When I fell deeply in love with my serious longtime girlfriend, Penny, wave your hand, Penny." I gestured back to Penny who nervously waved. "Isn't she cute?" I asked the crowd. "Kind of a quiet, nerdy thing, not my usual, but nice. But she turned me on to this homeless problem, which is terrible. And then I realized, that I'm not the only hero in the room tonight."

I felt that I knew were I was going, so I started to sing. "_It may not feel to classy, begging just to eat. But you know who does that? _Lassie. _And she always gets a treat. So you wonder what your part is, 'cause you're homeless and depressed. But home is where the heart is, so your real home's in your chest._

"_Everyone's a hero in their own way. Everyone's got villains they must face. They're not as cool as mine. But folks you'll know it's fine to know your place. Everyone's a hero in their own way. In their own not-that-heroic way._

"_So I thank my girlfriend, Penny." _I gestured to Penny again. "Yeah, we totally had sex. _She showed me there's so many different muscles I can flex. There's the deltoids- of compassion. There's the abs of being kind. It's not enough to bashing heads, you've got to bash in minds…"_

I continued singing, looking out at the people that were staring at me with awe. When I was just about to finish my song, something cold hit me, leaving me frozen at the podium.

* * *

><p>"…a good sound," Dr. Horrible was saying, holding a strange looking gun and looking behind him. Then he turned back to me and I acted on instinct. Punching him, he slid across the floor, the gun only slightly behind him. I followed him, grabbing the gun and placing a foot on his chest. "WAAAAAAY!" I sang at the top of my lungs, finishing my song all while flipping the man at my feet off. "A death ray?" I asked loudly, seeing the name on the side of the gun. "Well, looks like Dr. Horrible's stepping up." I pointed the gun at him.<p>

"No, don't," he tried to say.

"I don't need your warnings," I said venomously. "Give my regards to St. Peter. Or whoever has his job, but in hell." Then I pulled the trigger back.

The gun exploded, sending me shooting back. But what I felt next was even more unexplainable then the gun blowing up. Extreme pain.

"Oh, I'm in pain! I think this is what pain feels like!" I twisted and turned on the hard wood floors, then yelling, "Mama! Someone maternal!" I stood up and ran to the door, shoving people away and yelling, "Get out of my way!" Then I ran out the door, leaving Dr. Horrible, Penny, and my image behind me.

* * *

><p><strong>Captain Hammer: I think that's good enough!<strong>

**Me: But we haven't gotten to where you cry your eyes out to a therapist! **

**Billy: You cried your eyes out to a therapist?**

**Captain Hammer: Aw, shut up! No one asked you!**

**Billy: No, it's just that I can't imagine you doing that…**

**Me: Here, let me help you!**

* * *

><p>I was laying on the red leather couch, letting the tears fall down my face. "I didn't want her to die!" I wailed, wiping my nose with my still gloved hand. I looked down at the coffee table and saw the headlines of newspapers and magazines, most of them having to do with Penny or me.<p>

I sobbed more. "Why did he have to kill her?" I was handed a tissue by my therapist and loudly blew my nose.

"Thanks, sir," I said to him. "You know… you're quite amazing…"

* * *

><p><strong>Captain Hammer: Okay that SO did not happen!<strong>

**Billy & I: *laughing uncontrollably***

**Captain Hammer: I can't believe you put that, Nikki! Now all of FanFiction will think I'm gay!**

**Me: Ooh, FanFiction! I hadn't even thought of putting this up there! Thanks for the idea, buddy!**

**Captain Hammer: No! Oh, my God, no!**

**Me: Slow your roll, man!**

**Billy & Captain Hammer: What?**

**Me: Inside joke. Anyway, chillax, Hammer, I've posted stuff about Billy, too! **

**Billy: You WHAT?**

**Me: I put something about you up there!**

**Billy: No! Oh, God, what is it? **

**Me: I'll never tell. **

**Billy: Well then! You know, we **_**are**_** in your head… we can just dig up some embarrassing stuff and upload it.**

**Captain Hammer: Ooh, yeah! Let's see… *rifles through memories* Here's a good one! You were two years old and at a restaurant with your Dad and stepmom… **

**Me: HOPE YOU LIKED THE STORY!**


End file.
